Why I Won’t Tell You Not to Eat the Pie.

This year’s holiday scene may look a little different but for some, however much of the sentiment is the same. 

Whether it is sticking to a hard-earned workout regiment or not completely overdoing the holiday goodies, doing something different takes work. 

We all need reasons that are greater than abs to stick with healthy habits. That’s why it is important to consider, beyond being more fit, who do you want to be? 

According to ego depletion, resources for saying no are not endless, although some other psychological theories treat willpower like a muscle we can get stronger over time. Still more claim, like building strength it is probably best to give yourself a break from exposure from time to time. Also, like strength training, an individual’s capacity to recover will depend on many outside factors and individual variations. 

So what is a good general recommendation we can give people to navigate the holidays that are basically set up to conduce overindulgence? 

Do we tell them to not eat any desserts? Do we tell them to bring a healthy side dish? Do we tell them to fill half their plate with vegetables? Do we tell them to maybe not go to every happy hour or dinner? Like anything when you are working with an individual, what is right for one person may not be right for another, and often times, when we are dealing with lifestyle changes, many of those short term goals should be created by the individual themselves since they have more insight into their daily lives than we could ever have. However, we can present a few things to consider. 

Do you use willpower as muscle or do you use distraction to reach your goals? How do you use tools of motivation or task management towards your goals? What is it that you are really working on in order to be a happier person? 

In the famous marshmallow experiment (the one where kids were instructed if they waited to eat one marshmallow they would get two) the children that waited looked away, they pinched themselves, they hummed a tune, or otherwise distracted themselves. The ones that ended up eating the marshmallow smelled it, stared at it, relied on their finite willpower, and thus the likelihood they would delay gratification of sugary goodness was lessened. How much will power do you have? 

Freud suggested that an individual has three parts of their personality: the id, the ego, and the superego. The id, or animalistic desires, is our base level needs: food, water, shelter, community. You are born with it and it runs unconscious in the background of decision making. The ego is your sense of self, Freud compares the ego to the rider and the id to the horse. The horse is the power but the ego leads. The ego is what keeps you from going against social norms. The superego is your moral compass. It’s the set of learned behaviors that were nurtured into you from a child. When these three underlying drivers are at odds it is bound to stir up conflict within you. It may be why it feels so painful when you really want to stick to your healthy habits but you seem to find yourself falling short. 

So if your id calls for you to fill some empty void (social acceptance, anxiety, hunger) don’t let the superego beat you up. We see this in people with immense will power. They may be high achievers and able to exert great abilities into goals but when they don’t (it is human to fail sometimes) it can really throw them for a loop. To those I say, let it not be perfect.

What then do you do when your healthy habits get hard? You keep going. Find a guiding light. 

There is an exercise called the ‘5 Why’s’ (5Y) in which you take a problem “I want to get fit” and ask yourself why. Each layer gets to another deeper desire that sponsors the next one. At the end of the 5Ys you should gulp hard. 

I actually used to use this during consultations with prospective clients but I had to start stopping short of 5 because it got a little too deep and often people ended up crying because we tapped into a deep desire or fear. I do think it is helpful to go there however I didn’t yet feel in a position to take them. 

In the first half of Viktor Frankl’s book A Man’s Search for Meaning (great book) he details his experience in Auschwitz and how he found daily survival. Frankl goes on to briefly describe his theory of Logotherapy (according to Britannica, ‘Logos’ is Greek for divine reason or plan) in which he theorizes that motivation comes from an internal pull or willingness to find meaning. 

The reason for getting in shape isn’t often the reason people stay in shape. Continuing to do the things that got you started is the crux of most fit-fo-lifers. It’s the tipping point all will reach if they stick around long enough. When motivation wanes, when life gets in the way. 

Who are you and who do you want to be? 

There is a sponsoring goal beneath your health goals that is more important than whether you have one or two slices of pie. You know, the one at the end of the ‘whys’. 

Whether you pick a distraction or set the conditions to exert maximum will power, don’t forget what the holidays are really about and how they can present an opportunity to flex your power towards your real goal. 

This holiday season, try to set some goals that have nothing to do with fitness or health.  What can you ADD to your metaphorical plate that gets you closer to the person you want to be? Want to be more altruistic? Can you volunteer time or resources? More family-centric? How can you better connect? Less electric? Take a walk. More work-life-balance? Game time.

Maybe it’s a distraction but a distraction that gets you closer to the person you want sounds like a pretty good use of time and brainpower to me. 

I won’t tell you not to eat the pie.